Vampires make you gain weight.

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Not by just eating bon-bons and watching Vampire Bill or Edward Cullen and getting off your derrière instead of going to the gym, but vampires can stress you out so much, the cortisol production will wreck your hormones and ability to burn fat effectively!

Yes, they exist! And they’re all around you. The people that attach themselves and suck the blood out of you, drain you of your energy and pollute your productivity! These vampires come in many a variety. Here’s a short list. Feel free to add some in the comment section.

The Sob Sister/Brother: this kind of vampire is always telling sob stories about how this and that goes wrong, and keep want to tell you about how miserable they are, but never want to do a thing about it.

The Drama Queen/King: similar to the Sob kind, these vampires don’t simply tell you about their misery, they constantly set themselves up in situations where more drama occurs and behave like fools (you know, repeating the same thing expecting different results).

The Constant Complainer: Another variation of the same kind. Nothing is ever good enough, nothing goes the way they want. Subtle differences if you can spot them. While the Sob tells you sob stories, the Drama goes into bad sitches, the CC just bitches and bitches…

The Blamer: it’s always someone else’s fault. No ability for self-accountability, self-introspection or even empathy towards others.

The Criticizer: this one always tells you what to do, how you’re not doing it correctly, criticizes instead of critiquing, without any regards for your feelings or how to disperse their “superior knowledge” to you. Usually, not the best listener (empath) either…

The Projector: like a giant spotlight, they make you the target for their shortcomings, not so much in a blaming format, but whatever their issues are, they try to make them yours by exposing themselves ultimately.

The Chaos Creator: If your life is in order, theirs isn’t, and soon yours won’t be any longer. Like a hurricane, the devastation will begin and will spread all over you. Boundaries are optional for that vampire.

The Damsel in Distress: always seeking to be rescued, always putting themselves in the same situation again, expecting you to rescue them (or passively-aggressively denying the need for your help, yet using indirect commands to draw your attention and making you the rescuer). Usually, the lesson is never learned and the distress continues.Btw, damsel originally designates a male. Only modern language shifted it to females. So I am not sexist here.

Just like in True Blood, you will find vampire sympathizers, usually “glamored” by them, under their spell, like the weak-minded with Jedi mind tricks. Shrinks call them enablers. They see themselves as rescuers but really hide some insecurities or fear of abandonment.

Find some holy water, get out into the sun to expose them. No need for a stake, don’t succumb to their level. In any situation, shed the stress, clean up the pollution. It can present itself in various situations like work stress, legal issues, people taking advantage of others, people who sabotage your fitness because they’re not doing it. Anything.

Take care of it before they turn you. You need the light, as I mentioned in my previous blog!

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